All last week, I struggled with knowing what to do. I was awake almost all night Monday and Tuesday worrying and stressing about not having enough hours in the day. Working with my nieces and nephews is the most important job to me and Premier holds such a special place in my heart that I know I can't ever give it up and then my job making insurance phone calls... that was the job I struggled with. I really cared about my boss. He has such a big heart, a great sense of humor and an all around great guy. But I knew I couldn't continue to work 3 jobs but should I keep pushing? Should I quit? Should I try for another month? In my heart, I knew what the right decision for me was, but I struggled with wanting to make everyone happy. I am a big time people pleaser, so for me to let my boss down like that, was a really tough thing to do. But after praying (a lot) crying (a lot) and talking to my family, I came to the decision to step away at this time. I am hoping that in a year or so, I could call him and see if he would like to work with me again. Right now, the best thing I can do in my life, is be the best possible Aunt to my little ones. But if I am stressed out and not sleeping, my patience is low, my energy is low, and my spirits are low. Those things, do not make me the best aunt possible. I only have the kids for 5 short years before they go off to school full time and I want those years to be so special. I want the kids to look back and think "man, my aunt necie is the best!!" My parents have ALWAYS taught my sisters and I to always give the job you have !00%, nothing less. And by me stretching myself into 3 jobs, it was too much. I was not able to give !00% to any of them. That is what made me finally come to a decision.
Tonight, as I sit at my desk in my office, I just sent over my last e-mail to my old boss and I thanked him for my experience and the chance to learn something new. I am also sitting here staring at a check for a couple hundred dollars with my name on it from him. I can’t say that I won’t miss the extra income every month, because I will. But again, I know I made the best decision for me.
I am so lucky though, I have the most supportive family and friends that a girl could ask for, the night that I quit my job, I posted to Facebook "I had to make a really tough decision this week but God has given me complete peace about it. I just hate disappointing people and feeling like I let someone down." and I instantly had people texting me, commenting on my status and my (future) sister-in-law sent me a Facebook message that meant more to me, then anything else. "the world is full of people-(not saying your worthless! You're fantastic, but you can only do so much before you wear out!) so others can fill in gaps, k?? Don't worry about disappointing folks. People need to rely on God, not people, because people cannot always control situations and people are human and need rest.." And then, as I was driving later that night, listening to the radio, a song came on, that completely spoke to me and I felt as if God was saying, "hey, this was written for you. Take a deep breath, it’s going to be okay."
What are you afraid of?
Kerrie Roberts
"Being compared to the girl who has everything
Not living up when the whole world's watching
Being the last to get there and the last how know, ooh
You scream at the top of your lungs
When no one's listening
Being a basket case over anything
Giving your whole world for love
And the boy says no
So what are you afraid of
Show 'em what you're made of
The shadows that you're scared of
Are usually your own
They're not the great unknown
You don't have to wonder
You're not going under
Grace has got you covered
God is in control
Go on and let it go
What are you afraid of
Right on the brake of a breakthrough but you're frozen
Hurting somebody you love in that moment
No it's not living if you're always thinking of
The worst that could happen
So what are you afraid of
Show 'em what you're made of
The shadows that you're scared of
Are usually your own
They're not the great unknown
You don't have to wonder
You're not going under
Grace has got you covered
God is in control
Go on and let it go
Whenever it's the darkest (whenever it's the darkest)
Whenever it's the hardest (whenever it's the hardest)
Don't you stop before you started
If you're gonna dream
Dream it all the way
So what are you afraid of
Show 'em what you're made of
The shadows that you're scared of
Are usually your own
They're not the great unknown
You don't have to wonder
You're not going under
Grace has got you covered
God is in control
Go on and let it go
What are you afraid of?(afraid of, afraid of?)
What are you afraid of?"
Okay, so not all of it is relevant but I have been struggling with making Premier my full time job and now that I no longer have the income from job #3, I need to kick it up a notch and this song really spoke to me about getting over my fears and just do it.
{{Hugs, Denise}}
No comments:
Post a Comment